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We’ve all had those days – the ones where stress, sadness, or frustration take over, making everything feel a bit too much to handle.
Everyone has moments when emotions are overpowering, but there’s something we can do to help manage these moments: we can build our emotional muscles. Just like physical exercise strengthens our bodies, strengthening our emotional muscles can help us better cope with challenging emotions.
Learning to recognise what you’re feeling is the first step.
With practice, you’ll find that difficult emotions become easier to handle. This doesn’t mean life will be free of challenges, but you’ll be able to face what comes your way with more confidence.
Why naming emotions builds our mental fitness
Naming our emotions is an excellent way to build our emotional muscles. By identifying specific emotions – like how “frustration” feels different from “disappointment” – we gain insight into what kind of action might support us best. For instance, if you’re feeling frustrated, a break or shift in focus might help. If you’re feeling disappointment, maybe you need some comfort from someone close. Knowing exactly what we’re feeling isn’t just a label; it helps us understand what we need and makes it easier to respond in way that truly support us.
Being able to recognise and communicate our emotions more accurately also strengthens our relationships. When we can name and express our emotions, we create deeper connections and are better equipped to reach out, ask for help, and receive the support we need.
How to start naming your emotions
A great way to get specific with your emotions is to use a tool like the Feelings Wheel, developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox. The Feelings Wheel provides a range of emotions, starting with core feelings like anger, sadness, and joy, then expands into more specific terms as you move outward. When we have more words to accurately describe our emotions, we can better understand and manage them.
The Feelings Wheel
Here's a simple exercise, using the Feelings Wheel, to start building your emotional muscles:
1. Begin by scanning the Feelings Wheel. In the centre, you’ll find core emotions like joy, sadness, anger, and fear. As you move outward, you’ll notice more specific emotions, showing how these core feelings can vary in nature.
2. Think about the feelings you’ve had over the past few days. Start with the more familiar ones: happy, sad, or maybe anxious. Then, see if you can get more specific. For instance, instead of just “sad,” maybe you felt “disappointed” or “lonely.” Using the Feelings Wheel can help pinpoint exactly what you’re expecting.
3. This is where the real magic happens. Say your emotions out loud or write them down. It might seem simple, but naming your emotions helps you recognise and define what you’re feeling, making it easier to understand and manage.
4. As you move through your day, try to notice moments when emotions arise. Pause to name what you’re feeling in that moment – and get specific. By tuning into your emotions as they happen, you’ll strengthen your ability to recognise and manage them. Over time, this small habit becomes a powerful tool for building your emotional muscles and improving your mental fitness.
5. Once you’ve identified your emotions, consider sharing them with someone you trust. Expressing your feelings can foster understanding and strengthen your connections. It also allows you to receive help when you need it. Even a simple, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately,” can open the door for meaningful support from people in your village.
Our emotional muscles grow with practice and help make each day a little easier to navigate. Next time a strong emotion arises, pause, breathe, and give it a name. This small step will lead to a stronger, more mentally fit you.
Keep practising your emotional awareness
Try Maggie Dent’s 5-minute “emotional barometer” exercise. It’s a quick and simple way to check in with yourself, and learn actions you can take when things don’t go your way.
The Science of Mental Fitness
This study found that labelling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala, a region of the brain associated with emotional responses, highlighting that putting our feelings into words can enhance our ability to manage our emotions more effectively. Lieberman, M. D., Inagaki, T. K., Tabibnia, G., & Crockett, M. J. (2017). “Putting feelings into words: Affect labelling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli.” Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.
The Feelings Wheel was developed by psychologist Gloria Willcox, and offers a method for people to talk about and understand their emotions. The wheel has been used to help people recognise, express, create, and change their feelings. Willcox, G. (1982). The Feelings Wheel: A tool for expanding awareness of emotions and increasing spontaneity and intimacy. Transactional Analysis Journal, 12(4), 274-276. https://doi.org/10.1177/036215378201200411
This research shows that openly expressing emotions can improve social integration, increase support, and foster a sense of connection, strengthening interpersonal relationships. Pennebaker, J. W., & Graybeal, A. (2001). Patterns of natural language use: Disclosure, personality, and social integration. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 10(3), 90-93.
This review of mindfulness studies shows that mindful awareness is associated with improved emotional regulation and reduced overwhelm, allowing for more intentional, need-aligned responses to emotions. Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041-1056.
