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Our pace of life over the years may have changed, but the pressure to measure up remains as intense as it has ever been.
Today, we often have a wealth of resources at our fingertips – helpful advice online, fitness apps, meal kits, you name it. But even with these conveniences, we can find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, especially when we start comparing our lives to those around us.
Whether it’s seeing a friend’s latest promotion at work, a perfect family photo on Instagram, or an influencer’s fitness journey on TikTok, comparison has never been easier – or more exhausting. It’s also a great way to lose your mental fitness. Comparison can be a real mental fitness thief!
So, why do we compare? And how can we break free from this habit to support and strengthen our mental fitness?
Understanding the comparison cycle
Social Comparison Theory, developed by psychologist, Leon Festinger, helps us understand why we compare ourselves to others; in its most simple form, the theory is that as humans, we look around to figure our where we stand, and who we want to be.
Comparison, in it’s healthiest form, can motivate us to grow, to try harder, and to connect with others on common ground. But when it spirals into self-criticism and insecurity, it becomes a barrier to our mental fitness.
Sound familiar?
The constant exposure to curated, perfected versions of other people’s lives can leave us feeling inadequate and disconnected. And in the same way that comparison can be a thief of joy and fulfilment, building mental fitness – our ability to adapt emotionally, connect with others meaningfully, and seek help when we need it – can be the antidote to the comparison trap.
Let’s take a look at how we can apply three key elements of mental fitness to help turn comparison into a tool for personal growth:
1. Emotional adaptability and owning your journey
Every person’s life is a unique mix of experiences, challenges, and triumphs. When we compare ourselves to others without context, we’re often setting ourselves up for disappointment. Practising emotional adaptability means staying present in our own journey and accepting that our path will be different from others’. Instead of seeing someone else’s accomplishments as a judgement on our own, we can view them as part of their journey while focusing on what matters to us. This shift helps us stay grounded and adaptable, focusing on personal growth rather than external benchmarks.
Putting this into action:
The next time you notice yourself feeling 'less than' because of someone else's achievements or situation, remind yourself: "Their journey is theirs, and mine is mine." Reflect on one thing you value about your own life, and focus on how it contributes to who you are becoming. This practice of refocusing helps you reconnect with your own life, and feel more empowered in your unique journey.
2. Choosing connection over comparison
Comparison can create distance between us and the people around us. When we feel “less than,” we’re more likely to withdraw, missing out on valuable connections that can uplift us. Building social connectedness helps us shift from competition to connection. By recognising the similarities in our struggles, joys and goals, we can replace envy with empathy. When we view others’ successes as an inspiration rather than a threat, we make room for genuine relationships that support our mental fitness.
Putting this into action:
The next time you feel yourself withdrawing because of comparison, try reaching out to someone you admire, or feel a bit distanced from. Offer a simple compliment or acknowledge something you appreciate about them. This small step helps to turn envy into empathy and invites connection over competition. Notice how this feels!
3. Reaching our without judgement
The funny thing is, comparison often stems from self-criticism, but mental fitness involves knowing when to ask for help and realising that seeking support is a strength, not a weakness that should be criticised. Instead of viewing others as benchmarks, we can lean on them as allies in our journey. Reaching out for advice, sharing experiences, or simply having an open conversation can remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles. This kind of connection reinforces our mental fitness and helps us grow.
Putting this into action:
The next time you find yourself feeling isolated or self-critical, consider reaching our to someone you trust. Share a recent challenge or ask for their perspective on something you're facing. This small step can help shift self-criticism into connection, reminding you that support is available and that you're not alone.
Thriving beyond comparison
Choosing mental fitness over comparison doesn’t mean we’ll never be tempted to compare again – it’s a natural human tendency. But when we focus on building our emotional flexibility and adaptability, choose to connect instead of compete, and reach out for help and inspiration from others we admire, we can use those moments as reminders to check in with ourselves. Are we focused on what truly matters to us? Are we nurturing our connections? Are we reaching out when we need support?
When we let go of comparison, we make room for compassion. And that compassion – for ourselves and others – gives us the freedom to thrive, to enjoy our own journey, and to build meaningful connections with the people around us.
So, the next time you’re tempted to compare, remember that each person’s path is unique, and mental fitness is about finding strength and joy in yours.
The Science of Mental Fitness
This study shows that practising compassion and gratitude helps to reframe social comparison into an opportunity for connection and growth, improving mental health outcomes. Kirby, J.N. Tellegen, C.L., & Steindl, S. R. (2017). A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions: Current state of knowledge and future directions. Behavior Therapy, 48(6), 778-792. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.beth.2017.06.003
